Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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