They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we have officially lost it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
