This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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