oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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