So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize