Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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