I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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