You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
