ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
