I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize