I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
