I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
