ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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