DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
