i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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