If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
