In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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