I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
