maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
