dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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