I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
