at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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