singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think i have herpe
just one?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
