How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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