i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
