Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize