Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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