I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize