1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
