Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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