The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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