I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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