feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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