I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
