I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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