I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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