I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
