I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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