Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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