I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
