I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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