i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
