It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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