that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
