I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
