i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
