atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
