saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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