I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
