Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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