if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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