You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
