The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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