Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
