on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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