I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
