When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
