Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize