Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
