how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
