I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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