I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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