I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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