I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
