saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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