so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
