i wish my penis had a tongue
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
