Already got asked if we're dating
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
