That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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