can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
