It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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