You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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